Hey guys, this is El Tigre (aka Lex the defender, Big Al…) reporting in on Spiders behalf. All is not well with Spider-Man. As if fighting off daily bear attacks, wrestling with Mountain Lions, building fires using only sticks and stones, and finding an appropriate place to go to the bathroom wasnt enough, his cellphone took a bath in Gaterade (more like Haterade). It is pretty much toast. I am not exactly sure of the details on how this happened, but word has it that he was climbing a 300 foot tree with only one hand while talking on the phone with Park Rangers to tell them about some poachers that were hunting some rhinos and after he climbed the tree (for better cell signal) he got thirsty and as he was drinking the Gatorade, one of the poachers shot at him and it hit the bottle which exploded all over his phone and got it all moist and stuff. Don’t worry, he scared off the poachers with his stare and beard….. yeah… the story checks out.
So, anyways, now I am left handling the massive logistical nightmare of replacing his phone with another one. If he has not returned your texts and phone calls, you now know why. As of right now, he is finally in New Jersey and loving it. No more ridiculous rocky terrains and rhino poachers. Spider has some interesting stories to tell, but that will have to wait for another week or so. Have no fear, I will deliver him a new cellular device soon!! That’s why they call me El Tigre 😉